How to Meet People and Make Friends as an Adult: A Practical Guide
The Challenge of Adult Friendships
I used to think making friends as an adult was almost impossible.
Gone were the days of school cafeterias and dorm life, where friendships seemed to happen effortlessly. Instead, life as an adult often feels fragmented—work takes up the day, and personal time competes with endless to-dos. Without intentional effort, it’s easy to let years slip by without deepening connections or forming new ones.
But here’s the secret: making friends isn’t about waiting for the right moment or people. It’s about showing up, being open, and fostering familiarity. Imagine you’re planting a garden. Seeds don’t sprout overnight, but with consistent watering and care, they grow into something beautiful. Friendships are the same—they need time, patience, and the right environment.
Let’s explore how to create these conditions and rediscover the joy of friendship.
Why Friendships Matter More Than Ever
In adulthood, friendships aren’t just social fluff—they are lifelines. Friends are the mirrors reflecting your best self back to you. They are the people who show up when life gets tough and cheer the loudest when you succeed.
As adults, we often miss the type of connections we made in school. Eventually, we settle for “work friends.” While they aren’t inherently bad, if you aren’t passionate or fascinated with your job, then the connections made there are weak at best, toxic at worst. Real and true friendships need a foundation in something more substantial, something more fundamental than work.
Key Benefits of Building a Friend Community & Network
1. Emotional Support
Friends help you process emotions, provide perspective, and remind you that you’re not alone. Think of a time you had a bad day—who helped you through it? Even a short conversation with someone who cares can make the weight feel lighter.
2. Personal Growth
Every friend brings their own stories, wisdom, and outlook. Engaging with diverse people expands your worldview and helps you grow. Imagine it like adding spices to a dish—the more variety, the richer the flavor of your life.
3. Professional Opportunities
A network of friends often opens doors you didn’t know existed. A casual chat can lead to a career breakthrough, a creative collaboration, or a helpful resource. Remember: connections are often built in moments of shared interest, not formal networking events.
4. A More Joyful Life
Shared laughter and experiences create memories that enrich your journey. Studies even show that strong friendships improve mental and physical health. In short, friends are like the secret ingredient to a fulfilling life.
The Foundation of Adult Friendships
Making friends as an adult may feel daunting, but it’s simpler than it seems. The secret lies in three essential elements:
- Consistent Location
- Consistent Attendance
- Relatable, Shareable Activities
These three steps work because they create the foundation for familiarity, trust, and shared connection—key ingredients for any relationship.
Step 1: Find a Consistent Location
Friendships thrive in spaces where people gather regularly. Think of a favorite neighborhood café. The more often you visit, the more you’ll start to notice familiar faces, and they’ll notice you. Familiarity leads to trust. Over time, those small interactions—like nods, smiles, or casual “how’s it going?”—become the basis for deeper connections.
Why Location Matters
Consistency signals to others that you’re part of the community. People gravitate toward what’s familiar and reliable. A consistent location becomes a meeting ground, a place where relationships can grow naturally.
When I joined a local gym, I went three times a week at the same time. Same days, same time of day. After a month, I started recognizing the same faces. Not long after, someone asked if I wanted to join a group workout. That single invite turned into a regular fitness group and friendships I value deeply today.
How to Find Your Location
Identify a location that aligns with your interests and where others gather regularly. Whether it’s a library, park, or even an online forum, commit to being there consistently. Remember, your presence must be genuine for this to work — so find the places that you will truly enjoy being even if you don’t meet someone right away. You’ll need to enjoy the location by itself, or you won’t be able to complete the next step.
We find goodness in the most unexpected places…
Step 2: Show Up Regularly
Consistency is what turns a stranger into a friendly face and a friendly face into a friend. The more often people see you, the more they begin to trust and feel comfortable around you.
The Science of Familiarity
Psychologists call it the “mere exposure effect”—the idea that repeated exposure to someone increases your liking for them. Familiarity creates a sense of safety, which is essential for building trust. The more you show up, the safer people feel, and the more willing they are to engage and connect with you. The less familiar you are, the more of an “outsider” you are, and thus less trustworthy
Think of showing up like tending a campfire. Each visit is like adding a log, keeping the fire burning. Miss too many opportunities and the flame dies out. But if you show up consistently, the fire grows into something warm and enduring. Friendships aren’t any different.
When I started attending a local industry association’s chapter meetings, I didn’t know anyone. But after a few weeks, people began greeting me by name. Showing up and being involved made me visible and familiar. By the third month, I was being invited to other events and meetings outside of the association. After a year of showing up, I had industry connections who I regarded as real friends and a solid, trustworthy network. Consistency was the bridge between knowing no one and being familiar.
How to Show Up Regularly
Pick a location and set a schedule. Treat it like an important appointment. Commit to showing up regardless of how you feel about it. Your main goal is consistency, not immediate success. Your consistency is your intensity. Even if you don’t interact much at first, your presence alone sets the stage for future connections.
Step 3: Engage in Relatable, Shareable Activities
The best friendships often emerge from shared experiences. Activities provide a natural way to bond and create lasting memories. Think about it: you don’t need small talk when you’re focused on scoring a goal in soccer or discussing a book you both love.
The trick is to actually enjoy the activity alone first. For the shared experience to be relatable, you must first enjoy it solo. This deepens your ability to connect with others. The more you enjoy the activity, the more insight and enthusiasm you have to offer to people with similar interests. If you try to fake it, it’ll be obvious to others and they’ll find it difficult to connect with you.
Why Activities Work
Activities create a relaxed environment for interaction. They give you something to talk about and allow relationships to grow organically. When you’re immersed in something you love, your enthusiasm makes you more approachable.
Examples to Consider
- Fitness classes: Great for bonding over mutual goals.
- Volunteer events: Shared values can spark meaningful conversations.
- Hobby groups: Whether it’s photography, painting, or Pokemon Go, activities attract like-minded people.
I joined a few 4×4 and car enthusiast groups online. I love exploring the mountains of Colorado and driving through the windy roads there and back. On one of our offroad trips, I met someone who loved hiking with the dogs about as much as I did. We started swapping picturesque trails, which turned into “hiking with our dogs” meetups. That shared activity of hiking opened the door for us to find more commonalities and shared enthusiasm. We became the cornerstone of a great friendship.
How to Engage in Shareable Activities
Find an activity you enjoy that involves others. Start participating and let the shared experiences do the work of breaking the ice. By participating and being in your element of joy and fascination, your true and authentic self opens to others. The connection will flourish naturally as you find similarities and deepen your new friendship.
Step 4: Be a Friend First
Friendship is a give-and-take relationship, but it often starts with one person taking the first step. By being a friend first, you model the behavior you hope to receive.
What It Means to Be a Friend First
Being a friend first isn’t about grand gestures—it’s about showing kindness and interest. It means listening, celebrating others’ successes, and being reliable. In the world of give and take, be the giver first. Start small, stay consistent, and be okay with no returned gestures. Give people the grace to warm up to you over time.
Think of each act of friendship as planting a seed. A compliment, a shared laugh, or a helpful gesture may seem small, but these seeds grow into lasting bonds with time and care.
When I met someone at a networking event, I told them I wanted to share an article related to our discussion. I followed up with a quick email and link. That simple action led to a coffee chat, which turned into a friendship spanning years.
How to Be a Friend First
Make the first move. Compliment someone’s efforts, invite them to an event, or send a thoughtful follow-up message. Small actions build trust over time.
The only way to have a friend is to be one.
Meet People Today & Make Friends
Building a network and making friends starts with small, consistent steps. Here’s how to get started:
- Find a location that feels comfortable and enjoyable.
- Commit to showing up regularly—it’s the secret sauce.
- Engage in activities that create natural opportunities for interaction.
- Be proactive in demonstrating friendship.
Why Start Now?
The earlier you begin, the sooner you’ll see the benefits. Friendship isn’t just about connection—it’s about creating a richer, more meaningful life. Building a community of supporters and friends helps you more than you realize. Better yet, this community isn’t tied to a temporary job, but rather shares connections with your true interests and enjoyment. Your shared common interests deepen your connection and strengthen the bond of your connection.
You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you.
The Bigger Picture
Friendships in adulthood require effort, but they’re worth every ounce of energy. By being consistent, intentional, and proactive, you can create connections that enrich your life and the lives of others.
Now that you understand what it takes as an adult to meet people and create friendships, where will you show up consistently? And who will you start being a friend to today?
Share Your Journey
What’s one location or activity you’ve been considering as a way to meet new people? Share your thoughts on social media and tag me @jzjakez as you tell your story—I’d love to hear how you’re building connections.
Remember, the world is a brighter place when we choose to show up for each other. Start today—you’ll thank yourself tomorrow.